Consciousness

What do you truly know about yourself. What can you truly say about yourself. Knowing and understanding are two very different concepts. How can anyone say they understand. Have they suffered through it? The longing, the ache, the deep deep pain. Can you imagine, slowly drowning in the ocean. Slowly sinking to the bottom. the pressure so great it breaks your body. The yearning for air so strong your lungs burn. The deeper you fall, the darker it is. You cannot see, you cannot hear, you cannot feel, you cannot breathe. You wish death came quicker. As i watch people fall in and out of love, i wonder, when will i taste this sweetness. I waited and waited. 15 years later, i'm still waiting. It hurts even more, so much more when someone says that you are a great guy, you will find someone i am sure. How can i believe that. When not a single time it has worked out. What proof do they have. I do not want to be alone, but it looks like i am destined to die..... alone. "you are a great guy", "why can't i find someone like you", "you are the best guy friend a girl can ask for"..... I have heard it all. And each time it hurts more than the last. Desperation? When no one would give me the time of day. When no one understands me. Who truly understands me. Who has drowned in the sea of longing. There are plenty of fish, but no one saves the drowning man. The good looking fisherman gets everything by just being there. The hard working one got nothing, because they were all gone. Would you save me? If even you cannot say yes....... Then who will?